Enter Madame Tong’s and be taken away to a far Eastern land. Chinese paper lanterns. Dramatic red walls. Gold Buddha statues. Asian umbrellas hanging from above. Sit down to dinner, however, and be taken away on a slow boat to China. A very, very slow boat. You might wait 40 minutes for appetizers to appear. Possibly another 90 minutes to get your entrees. Granted, we dined there Fourth of July weekend, but still. And when your meal finally does arrive, it might be cold. (We do have to say, though, the coconut rice is delicious.) Our friend’s credit card was even lost by the staff and found on the dance floor an hour later. No wonder owner ‘Jean Luc’ finds himself in a pot of boiling water. The good news? You can join a fun crowd – who came to drink, not eat – on the dance floor. Or you can retreat to the restaurant’s backyard and enjoy a tasty cocktail under the stars. If you have any time left in the evening after sitting through dinner.

Madame Tong’s, 256 Elm Street, Southampton, 631-204-0300, madametongs.com

By Glen Levy